Monday, April 30, 2012

PLAY while Finding Yourself

Starting a blog. This is familar. I've done this before. I've journaled for many years. In fact, I've kept physical journals since my late teens. I have piles of notebooks and drawers full of various journals. Is anyone ever gonna read them? One of my daughters told me once, (not too long ago) that she was going to read every one of them - after I died. hmm, I pause and reflect: Is that what I want? Do I want my loved ones to see the inner workings of my slightly warped (by 3d social norms and standards) mind and definitely inflated spiritual ego to go actually noticed? Do I dare allow for these writing to be discovered so that they can laugh at what a geek I truly am? Or perhaps they will discover my real secret...that I am a little crazy (again, according to society's standards) or 'out there' when it comes to my ultimate beliefs. But I dare I say I don't adhere to any beliefs anymore? Dare I say I'm comfortable enough in my own skin that it's fine if someone wants to think I'm a little crazy...because my 'ultimately' includes knowing I AM not my body. The more you learn, the more you learn how little you actually remembered upon being born into 'humandome'.
I don't believe thinking has a limit and my imagination is the key which unlocked secret doorways in my heart and in my mind. It is the doorway to my soul and do I dare let ANYONE in? What will it matter then, if I'm not here? Will I really be gone? Why would I care if they read this after I left, am I a fraud? Do I believe that my thoughts are really any different than anyone else who may be pondering the very same thing, the very nature of existence? Do any of these questions really need an answer and will people think I've gone off the deep end if they truly knew how much more important I believe these questions are, than living a fraud life wrapped up in vanity and material possessions and status? I hate it. Yes, then I am a fraud. I don't believe any of this stuff here is important except to propel us into that which we already know at some deep level and have just forgotten. Being thrusted into the spirit nature of all that truly is can be the only true happiness.
When you constantly look for 'it' from others with your own set of expectations or rules of how it should and how it ought to be; you are not looking within yourself and therefore, will never find 'it'. If it is like a hide and seek game and you are hiding from yourself (that is here in a body) the part hiding is the true nature of who you are and it is up to you to find yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. When you do find yourself, you can still play the game for as long as you choose...
Finding ourselves so we can play together is the way to find completeness and happiness... remember to play while living!